Hades

I killed a baby bird the other day. I didn't mean to, and in my defense it would have died anyway having strayed so far from the nest at such a young age, but me sort of stepping on it might have helped speed up the process. Various people have told me that I will be attacked by birds in the next few days, especially since the mother bird watched the whole series of events unfold from the adjacent window sill. The worst part is: she didn't scold me or scream at me. She just stared at me with the kind of cold disappointment that can only come from the steely eye of a female Northern Rough-winged Swallow that has just seen one of her offspring trampled by an irresponsible college student that just wanted to sit close to the window so he could steal internet from the coffee shop below. I will never forget the look in her eye.
So that is why I am going to hell aka why it is going to be 120 degrees in Seattle today. Apparently God and the bird community is taking vengeance not only on me, but on the entire Emerald City. If you can go to the beach today it is strongly advised that you do so. If you are over the age of 75 it is strongly advised that you do not. Good luck!

- Boosh Clown

p.s. A reader has brought to my attention that I have left out a very troubling part of the whole "baby bird homicide", and that part is this: after realizing that I had sort of stepped on the bird and leaped up screaming when I felt it squirming I was forced complete the undesirable task of somehow putting this wild animal out of its misery. I went back to my apartment, grabbed some toilet paper, came back and smothered the bird. Then I put it in a Safeway grocery bag, and into my trash. Then I went out drinking. Upon coming back and before going to sleep, I went downstairs to empty the trash, for fear of sleeping with baby bird soul in my room. I am not a criminal.

Song of the Day: Living on Video by Trans X