Move Over, Donald Trump

Greetings from a blustery day here in the Great White North aka Victoria, Canada. The weather here has been sub-par as of late. Gusts of wind regularly reach 40 mph and a pelting rain seems to saturate everything to the bone. Oh, sorry, did I says gusts of wind of 40 mph just now? I meant to say gusts of wind of 62.324 kilometers per hour. They're on the metric system here.
I hate myself.
What other exciting things are going on in the life of Mark Wetzler right now? This is a question that has undoubtedly been burning in your minds like a soddering iron in fresh lead. Well, baby birds, I shall feed you. Tomorrow I begin training in my new job as an illegal deli worker. You read correctly. I am going to work at a Portuguese deli about two blocks from my house for a guy that has agreed to take on an American without a work permit. It seems the day I have been awaiting for 24 long years has finally come. Tomorrow, I will enter the fast-paced and dynamic world of produce. Praise Allah.
Other Mark Wetzler related news include a surplus of long walks, in which I usually stroll the grassy knolls of Beacon Hill Park and observe the ducks and peacocks that frequent its abundance of ponds and meadows. Then, if I'm feeling particularly daring, I make my way downtown and read a book at Chapters, Canada's version of Barnes and Noble, for a little sit-in-the-comfy-chairs reading time. After that, if there's time, I like to stop by London Drugs and pick up some candy for the walk home. I usually choose Swedish Berries, which are Canada's equivalent to Swedish Fish. Then I amble home slowly and reflect on the day's achievements, the phrase, "too much excitement" usually filling my mind.
So those are some of the current happenings in my life. Last night I drank a liter of Grower's Grapefruit Cider and about three shots of Sambuca and felt ready to take on the world. Today I am lounging around in sweatpants, afraid to even leave the house.
It might be time to get a real job.

-Boosh Clown

Song of the Day: Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangster by The Ghetto Boys