The Resolutions

Here they are: Boosh Clown's 2008 New Year's Resolutions

1) Upon meeting anyone for the first time, no matter the circumstance or age of the person involved, lean in to them and with a wink say, "Yeah, I think we met at a party last year."

2) Every time I get a 2 dollar Canadian coin or "Twoonie" as change, pump my fist and enthusiastically say to myself, "Yeah, baby. Free money!"

3) Get the Achilles healthy once and for all (the capitalization is no mistake. My tendon has achieved "deity" status).

4) Any time a kid is screaming in public or making a fuss, grab him by the shoulder and with a stern look say, "The devil will find work for idle hands, boy."

5) Learn German.

6) Find a semi-steady job that doesn't involve driving people to or from a car dealership.

7) Go to Starbucks, deliberately order a drink with soy milk, and then when the drink comes take a sip and (curling my nose) say, "Soy milk?! Ewwwwww...."

8) Streak through Cook St. Village, Victoria, with an American flag painted on my butt.

9) While at a dinner with people I don't know--and regardless of what the prepared dish is and the name of the person that cooked it--loudly exclaim with my forked cocked in front of my eye in wonder, "Martha, these potstickers are delicious!"

10) Ask Andy Bunker for his hand in marriage.

That's all, folks!

-Boosh Clown