Semi-Drunk Rants With Boosh Clown (Part 284)

"Trippel" Belgium Style Ale. New Belgium Brewing company, Fort Collins, Colorado.

Tonight is installment 1 of "Semi-Drunk Rants With Boosh Clown." The two goals here are to A) Get semi-drunk, and B) rant. I have fulfilled the first in devastating fashion, drinking the aforementioned Trippel and also by indulging in some glasses of wine in plastic cups earlier at Gasworks Park. To fully complete the picture I have donned aviator sunglasses, despite the fact that I am alone and sitting at a computer chair in my room.

Rant #1
I read an article the other day about how hybrid cars like the Toyota Prius are actually really bad for the environment, at least comparatively with other non-hybrid, non-new, non-"I'm a hippie that smells my own farts and would rather slash my wrists than have to shop at anywhere other than Trader Joe's" cars. The article said that Priuses (Priii?) are bad for the environment because the nickel needed for their batteries is strip-mined in Northern Ontario (causing acid rain and thus massive devastation to nearby flora) and then sent off to places like Japan where it can be properly refined and made fit for its final life as a car battery. According to this article, and it makes perfect sense, if you really care about the environment you're better off just buying an old fuel efficient car like a Toyota Camry rather than shelling out hella cash for a new Prius that does more bad than good (ostensibly). So BASICALLY, and to over-simplify, the gist of the whole "green movement" is this: If you actually care about the environment, don't buy new cars. Just keep your current car in good repair and limit heavy acceleration and/or riding the brakes. However, if you want people to think you care about the environment, buy a Prius. Then people will commend you on your part in preventing the ice caps from melting and ushering a new warm period in which dinosaurs will once again roam the Earth. Oh, and also: shop at PCC, sell your soul to Satan, and move to Queen Ann. Fuck, I hate hippies.

Rant #2
Richie is gone! Richie is gone! Richie Sexson is gone! Praise, Jesus, Richie Sexson is gone!

The only problem: Who do I hate now?
First Candidate: Yuniesky Betancourt-- Long swing and inability to lay off first pitch make me want to eat my own face.
Second Candidate: Raul Ibañez: "RAAAAULLLLLLL, werewolf of---SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE FUCKING WARREN ZEVON SAMPLE. AUGHHHHHH!"
Third Candidate: Willie Bloomquist-- I actually love Willie Bloomquist. I have no idea how he got here.

Rant #3
I have to pee really bad. Trippel is a really strong beer. 7.8%. And it goes through you like water. Or beer. Or beer water.

Rant #4
Holy shit, I just did something I never thought I would do. It feels...not that monumental. I just deactivated my Facebook account. I really thought I would be feeling something right now a lot more substantial. My grammar is poor. But I really feel about the same as I felt 2 minutes ago. Mark Zuckerberg, your hold on me is no longer. Goodbye Facebook. Goodbye...world?

"Good, so what's the problem."
- Ty Webb

- Boosh Clown?