Guiveda R.I.P.

My beer belly’s name is Guiveda. He has been a faithful companion to me for several years. He makes funny (and hairy) faces at me to cheer me up when I’m sad, and urges me to “let loose” and “live a little” when I feel encumbered by the pressures of university life. We have traveled to the ends of the earth together: the sultry beaches of Guatemala, the bustling streets of Mexico City, the sub-zero outdoor bars of Whistler, and Bremerton. I have always kept him happy on a steady diet of apple danishes, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and poor decision-making. Above all, we have been joined harmoniously by the insatiable urge to “party.” But sadly, it is time for Guiveda to go. My new diet, aka the Hammers program, has in effect caused me to turn over a new leaf, one that, unfortunately for Guiveda, yields no Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers or Busch Light 40s on the other side.

Last night I went to three bars and drank no alcohol. At Finn McCool’s, the last bar, I got a water. Despite the severe stomach cramps due to Guiveda tearing out his hair in frustration, I had a great time.

But the best thing is that I woke up this morning feeling tremendous. It was probably the first time I hadn’t been hung over on a Saturday morning since I was 7. I went to the IMA where I ran the elliptical, swam, and dodged disgusting naked men in the locker room. I left feeling fresh, breathing the crisp air with a clear head. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this good.

So there you have it. Today I buried two good friends: Guiveda, and Jimm. I will keep the Hammers Program up for at least one more week, and pending my progress I will think about delving back into moderate drinking. I will not, however, binge drink until my Achilles tendonitis is gone. That is a promise.

The catalyst for this extended diet?: I was walking down the hall towards the locker room in the IMA and passed the pictures of winning intramural sports teams from the last few years. One photo in particular caught my eye. It was the winning IMA soccer team from spring 2006: Chow Pang. Everyone in the picture looked so happy: arms around eachother, comical expressions, Jaxin Sykward wearing a “Justified” t-shirt. Only one person was missing from the picture: me.
So fuck you Jimm and fuck you Guiveda. It’s been fun.

-Boosh Clown


Song of
the Day: Heute Ist Mein Tag by Blümchen

Bonus Song of the Day: The Party’s Crashing Us by Of Montreal



p.s. I buried Jimm with a shovel…

Photo Credit: Jenny Newman