The Devil is a Fairy

I met the anti-Christ two nights ago. She sidled up out of nowhere to take a seat on a bench near where Dan and I were playing ping-pong. She sat in the corner and drew her legs up into her chest, her black-clad figure blending into the shadow cast by the wall which accented her dead pale skin and bright-red lipstick. After making eye contact with Dan she asked him to bum a cigarette, and then began to talk wistfully about a drug called "DMT."
"It’s like when you’re born," she started, "and you enter the world through a black tube- it's the same as what happens when you die. Anyway, 'DMT' makes you feel like that. You should try it."
I left to go to the bathroom and consider her suggestion. When I came back she had somehow roped Dan into sitting right next to her, and was still thoughtfully meandering through her explanations of the supposed wonder drug. I listened to her, speechless for several moments, and before I could contain myself sputtered, "Wait, are you on this drug right now?"
She paused for a moment and then responded in a melancholy tone, "…fuck youuu."
I quickly tried to explained: "No, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, I’m not trying to be a dick." This seemed to satisfy her and we quickly changed the subject.
It turns out the all black-clad mystery girls’ name was Korin. To picture Korin, take the weirdest girl you could ever imagine meeting and multiply that by a thousand. Now you’re ready to meet her. After I questioned her sobriety she suggested we play a game where we divulged scandalous details about our lives. Korin started and said, "When I was 17 I won a poetry award."
I considered her first play and thought to myself, "Weak, this girl is just a lame hippie-goth."
But then things took a slight turn for the weird.
"I once knew a woman named Cricket who killed a man," she chirped.
"How," we both asked.
"She burned him."
We paused to consider whether or not Korin being completely insane might cause her to fabricate such a story but did not challenge it.
Then Korin told us she liked frat boys, an interesting development. Apparently one time she was at a goth bar and everyone was "really cliquey and rude," but then she went to a frat bar and everyone was really "open-minded and cool*." This immediately caused me great indignation. "I thought you were going to say that you realized frat boys and goth guys were exactly the same," I said, " i.e.**, really cliquey and close-minded, because that would be an astute and valid observation, because frat boys are not open minded." But apparently they are. At least to Korin
By round three of the game we were struggling for material. It was Dan's turn so he said, "After the bar tonight I have to go clean a church," but before the words were even out of his mouth Korin had countered. She had a maniacal glint in her eye and was smiling like Joker from Batman. "One time," she said, "I took shrooms and got arrested by the police for being naked on Roosevelt Way except for a pair of fairy wings." Alright Korin...
Now it was my turn again. I scanned my memory bank for times when I had taken illicit drugs and dressed up like a mythical creature but drew a disappointing blank. Clearly, Korin was a tough opponent. Aside from people that have recently escaped from mental wards, I can’t think of too many that could compete with her.
Then the game started to die down when Korin said, "When I'm 35 I want to move to Spain and live there until I die."
"Why don't you move there now and do us all a favor, you fucking lunatic," I thought to myself.
She spoke with a weird accent that seemed to me indicative of a mind riddled by years of heavy drug abuse. She was from Greenwood (about 8 miles north of Seattle), so Dan suggested maybe it was just a "Greenwood Drawl," and to be fair who knows what lurked beneath Korin's hippie-goth exterior that would influence her speech patterns.
We smoked some cigarettes and talked some more. Korin wanted to keep playing the game all night, but Dan and I were tired of hearing stories about fairy wings and women named "Cricket" who burned people alive. I think she could sense our waning enthusiasm because she very promptly sat up and said, "I'm going to go." Without much adieu she headed for the door and just like that Korin was out of our lives.
We marveled at the conversation we had just had with a girl who's brain seemed to be cruising steadily at an altitude of 35,000 feet while her body hung out on a bench and smoked cigarettes at "Teddy's" on 65th. It was certainly an interesting evening. Have fun in Spain, Korin.

-Boosh Clown

Like of the day: Havarti

Hate of the day: The Fountain

Song of the day: Flow Natural by Tito "El Bambino" featuring Beenie Man

*The actual reason she liked frat boys was somewhat disturbing. Apparently one of her friends had gotten a frat boy drunk one time and "fucked him in the ass." The logistics of this were not clear but certainly led to speculation and cringing. "So," said Korin, "I want to get a frat boy drunk and fuck him in the ass."

** I didn’t actually say "i.e." out-loud.