Here are just a few of my observations regarding the most current sporting events:
1) Tayshaun Prince is skinny (and left-handed)
2) I can't believe I heard the word, "fucking" on ESPN last night, as in when Rasheed Wallace angrily snapped at one of the cameramen, said "Get that fucking camera out of my face" and then threw his towel at him.
3) Kobe is actually a lot better spoken than I would have thought he would be, or at least better spoken than when I last saw him speak in an interview, which must have been about five years ago. My respect for him has gone up slightly (this also may have something to do with his fourth quarter performance against the Spurs last Thursday), and I no longer blindly assume he is a
rapist.4) Kevin Garnett looks like a pterodactyl (see: Exhibit A, below/right).
5) The Lakers are going to absolutely destroy whoever they play in the finals. They are playing on a different level than other teams. They are bigger, stronger and faster (like that camp you can go to for Babe Ruth baseball in Eastern Washington). Lamar Odom is 7 foot 6 and moves like he's 5 foot 6. Everyone on the Lakers is an absolute beast, and then you have Kobe, the best player in basketball. The Lakers will win.
6) How is Sam Cassell still playing NBA
basketball? I thought he retired and became a commentator. He must be at least 50. I guess aliens don't age at the same rate as everyone else.7) I do not like Flip Saunders. He's a grotesque version of Bill Murray (who is already grotesque enough) and his voice sounds like he smokes cigarettes made of sandpaper.
8) Theo "My Last Name Needs to Die With Me" Ratliff
9) Why do they show Jack Nicholson at least 10 times every Laker game? We know he is a fan. We know he has good seats. We don't care what his reaction is and we don't enjoy seeing is old-ass "one flew over the cuckoo's nest" mug every 4 seconds.
10) I've been watching the College Fastpitch World Series a
little bit, and I've gotta hand it to the Arizona State girls. Not only are they pretty good, they're way - uh - slimmer than the girls on most of the other teams too. Now, hold on, hold on, easy. Don't get in a huff about what I just said. All I'm saying is that they are much skinnier (as a team) than most of the other teams in the Women's College World Series. I'm not saying this is better, though that is completely what it sounds like I am saying. All I'm saying is that their weight is pretty amazing considering the fact that if they collectively weighed as much as the girls on say, Alabama, they would probably hit every ball out of the park and absolutely dominate (see: Exhibit B, above right).11) Speaking of the Women's College World Series, how fucking hilarious is it that John Kruk is one of the commentators? I remember having a John Kruk baseball card from the mid 90's in which he looked like he weighed about 350 pounds and as if he had just ingested another 30 pounds of undercooked red meat. So awesome.
12) Watching Jeff Van Gundy in the post-game wrap up of the Pistons/Celtics game, I thought to myself, "Man, that guy looks like someone I've seen before." And then it came to me: Ghost! You know the part in the movie Ghost where Patrick Swayze learns how to touch things in the human world from a from a maniacal spirit that inhabits the bowels of the New York Subway system? Jeff Van Gundy looks exactly like that guy! I think someone should check him for a pulse.
13) Not much to say about the French Open right now, other than I really hate Nadal and hope he falls into the Thames (*Seine). Bummer about Sharapova. She's mildly attractive.
14) So, of course, this year is a big deal because its the first Laker Celtic final since 1987, back when the two teams were both powerful dynasties. But it's also a big deal for me because it might be the thing that makes me start liking pro basketball again. I haven't really liked Pro basketball since around the year 2000, and honestly, why should I have? Who wants to watch a league that has a team called "The Raptors" that run around in purple jerseys? No one.
15) So, I wrote number 5 (the one about the Lakers destroying everyone) last night when I was a little tired and hadn't really thought things through properly. I failed to consider (and this may be way off) that the Celtics are probably the more experienced team overall and thus may put up more of a fight than I had originally thought. I'm saying this only because most of the players on the Celtics have names I recognize, due to the fact that they were good way back when I was an avid basketball fan, whereas the Lakers seem to have a disproportionate amount of Eastern European players who, while being good three-point shooters, have names I have never heard before in my life.
I suspect that Phil Jackson may be kidnapping babies from Romania and forcing them into basketball slavery, but this is purely conjecture.
Either way it should be a good series.
Well that's all for our first edition of "The Casual Sports Fan" with your host Mark Wetzler. Hope to see all of you again next time!
Next on Blog is the New Blog:
We'll head out to Toronto for BITNB's first ever, "Canadian Edition."
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5 comments:
Isn't the thames in the UK?
What the hell?
yes. touché. nothing like a gross error for bringing out reader comments.
People from Duke are so stuck up. "Isn't the thames in the UK?" You know what Scott, some people didn't go to college. Instead they went to ASU, where you learned things like how many frat boys in pink polos could magically find themselves in the room with the passed out sorority girl and "accidentally" tape their subsequent acts. bastard.
p.s. I am also sure those guys were not rapists, because they were articulate. like kobe.
The great liquid whip failed us this morning but we still love him.
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