Lately, when not drinking hot dog flavored water, I have been thoroughly dedicating my mind and body to training for my upcoming bike trip in late May. I don't party as much. I eat better. I even go on runs almost every single day.
And people are starting to notice.
"Hey, Mark, you're like, not that fat anymore."
It's seemingly innocuous comments like this one that are the product of a slough of nasty rumors that have been circulating in regards to my new-found health. As crazy as it sounds, people seem to think that I'm on something. They seem to think that there is no way this chiseled physique could have been achieved naturally over such a short period of time. Some of them have even asked me outright what I'm on.
What am I on?
I'm on my girlfriend's mountain bike that she got when she was fifteen, busting my ass, 15-20 minutes a day.
What are you on?
-Boosh Clown
::This post inspired by this commercial::
Showing posts with label bikestravaganza. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bikestravaganza. Show all posts
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Life, Death, and Hockey
Lots to talk about here on Boosh Clown today. The winds of change are upon us. Spring is in the air! Bees are leaving the comfort of their frozen burrows to take flight and propagate the many flowers that blanket our beautiful planet. Robins are out a-chirping, vying neck and neck with the larks and the thrushes to have their voices heard in the wonderful cacophony of sounds and smells that this special time of year always seems to hold in store.
But let's get down to business.
First off, I am getting extremely excited about the bike trip I plan on taking in late May. One of the things I'm most excited about is my diet. Since I can't cook, I will be forced to either eat fresh foods or already prepared foods. This is extremely exciting, as it is exactly what I did for the majority of my college career (minus the fresh foods). Finally, an excuse to eat Hot Pockets, TV dinners, and corn dogs without having to feel bad about it1! People can say to me, "Oh man, that must have been awful, having to eat all those pre-packaged foods and pizza pockets you warm up in the microwave," and I can be like, "Yea, totally, it was brutal. I totally would've cooked more often if I had had the chance, but I guess that's just one of the things that comes with being on the road." And then I can rush home gleefully and toss a Tombstone pepperoni pizza in the oven.
I really won't be that unhealthy, though, I think. My diet will basically consist of the following:
Breakfast
1 Power Bar (Apple Cinnamon or Peanut Butter or whatever strikes my fancy)
1 Apple Juice
1 Banana
Healthy so far, right? Yeah, I thought so.
Lunch
Hot Pockets, Chunky soup, deli food, TV dinner, fast food, pre-made sandwich
1 Juice or Gatorade
1 Orange or Apple
Dinner
Basically the same as lunch
Snacks
1 Can of V8 upon terminus of day's riding
Trail Mix, Shot Bloks (These things are awesome. Check out what it says about the Piña Colada variety. ¿Cómo se dice, "fate?"), Fresh Vegetables, Snickers, and assorted goodies between breakfast and lunch, and between lunch and dinner
Not terrible, right? I mean, it could be quite a bit worse. The question is, will I actually stick to a semblance of this diet, or will I end up pulling up to drive-thrus, panniers and all, asking for quarter-pounders and Big Macs? Time will tell, I suppose.
1Not that I ever felt bad about it. I felt amazing.
In other news, Zucks and the boys over at Facebook have recently added the "People You May Know" feature, which is actually probably old news to you by now. As with all Facebook additions these days I am somewhat indifferent. The last time Facebook actually caused a major upheaval in my life was when they added the "Status" option (this was a huge fucking deal at the time). I don't know what it was but I was fairly outraged and convinced that Facebook was turning into MySpace and thus completely refused to take part in the whole "Status" thing at first, but then slowly got used to the idea and now, as we have all seen, update my status approximately every 45 seconds. So now: "People You May Know," "People You Wish You Knew," "People Your Parents Want You to Know"--what's the difference?
In honor of my friend Kevin from Arizona State I have turned the comments option back on on Boosh Clown, so please comment as much as possible. I turned them off because I read on some site about increasing your "blog traffic" that it can be good to turn comments off because people get turned off when they see blog after blog with "0 Comments." This issue is problematic for two reasons: 1) What the fuck was I doing on an "Increase your blog traffic" website? and 2) Do I really want to attract the type of reader who would be "turned off" by the fact that there are not a lot of comments on my blog? Do I really want anyone to read this? Why are you reading this?
I think I might be going insane.
Anyway, the last thing I will briefly mention is that the Stanley Cup Playoffs are well under way, something all too noticeable up here in The Great White North. Today I went to buy eggs from the Old Man in Cook St. Village and he started talking to me about the games yesterday and how the Flames game should be a "dandy" tonight and the dude that apparently scored two awesome goals yesterday. I did a lot of nodding and smiling and prayed to Brahma that he wouldn't ask me anything that required specific knowledge of the sport, and thankfully he didn't. So, anyway, I totally forgot why I am even mentioning this now but I guess I just thought it might be an endearing example of the cultural differences that exist between two lands separated by such a short distance. Go Flames! (?).
That's all for today, folks. Feel free to contact us here at Blog is the New Blog with any questions you may have. Also, don't forget to vote on the "Should Boosh Clown Have to Drink the Hot Dog Flavored Water" poll at the top left. Only three days remain!
-Boosh Clown
Song of the Day: "Hands Around My Throat" by Death in Vegas
But let's get down to business.
First off, I am getting extremely excited about the bike trip I plan on taking in late May. One of the things I'm most excited about is my diet. Since I can't cook, I will be forced to either eat fresh foods or already prepared foods. This is extremely exciting, as it is exactly what I did for the majority of my college career (minus the fresh foods). Finally, an excuse to eat Hot Pockets, TV dinners, and corn dogs without having to feel bad about it1! People can say to me, "Oh man, that must have been awful, having to eat all those pre-packaged foods and pizza pockets you warm up in the microwave," and I can be like, "Yea, totally, it was brutal. I totally would've cooked more often if I had had the chance, but I guess that's just one of the things that comes with being on the road." And then I can rush home gleefully and toss a Tombstone pepperoni pizza in the oven.
I really won't be that unhealthy, though, I think. My diet will basically consist of the following:
Breakfast
1 Power Bar (Apple Cinnamon or Peanut Butter or whatever strikes my fancy)
1 Apple Juice
1 Banana
Healthy so far, right? Yeah, I thought so.
Lunch
Hot Pockets, Chunky soup, deli food, TV dinner, fast food, pre-made sandwich
1 Juice or Gatorade
1 Orange or Apple
Dinner
Basically the same as lunch
Snacks
1 Can of V8 upon terminus of day's riding
Trail Mix, Shot Bloks (These things are awesome. Check out what it says about the Piña Colada variety. ¿Cómo se dice, "fate?"), Fresh Vegetables, Snickers, and assorted goodies between breakfast and lunch, and between lunch and dinner
Not terrible, right? I mean, it could be quite a bit worse. The question is, will I actually stick to a semblance of this diet, or will I end up pulling up to drive-thrus, panniers and all, asking for quarter-pounders and Big Macs? Time will tell, I suppose.
1Not that I ever felt bad about it. I felt amazing.
In other news, Zucks and the boys over at Facebook have recently added the "People You May Know" feature, which is actually probably old news to you by now. As with all Facebook additions these days I am somewhat indifferent. The last time Facebook actually caused a major upheaval in my life was when they added the "Status" option (this was a huge fucking deal at the time). I don't know what it was but I was fairly outraged and convinced that Facebook was turning into MySpace and thus completely refused to take part in the whole "Status" thing at first, but then slowly got used to the idea and now, as we have all seen, update my status approximately every 45 seconds. So now: "People You May Know," "People You Wish You Knew," "People Your Parents Want You to Know"--what's the difference?
In honor of my friend Kevin from Arizona State I have turned the comments option back on on Boosh Clown, so please comment as much as possible. I turned them off because I read on some site about increasing your "blog traffic" that it can be good to turn comments off because people get turned off when they see blog after blog with "0 Comments." This issue is problematic for two reasons: 1) What the fuck was I doing on an "Increase your blog traffic" website? and 2) Do I really want to attract the type of reader who would be "turned off" by the fact that there are not a lot of comments on my blog? Do I really want anyone to read this? Why are you reading this?
I think I might be going insane.
Anyway, the last thing I will briefly mention is that the Stanley Cup Playoffs are well under way, something all too noticeable up here in The Great White North. Today I went to buy eggs from the Old Man in Cook St. Village and he started talking to me about the games yesterday and how the Flames game should be a "dandy" tonight and the dude that apparently scored two awesome goals yesterday. I did a lot of nodding and smiling and prayed to Brahma that he wouldn't ask me anything that required specific knowledge of the sport, and thankfully he didn't. So, anyway, I totally forgot why I am even mentioning this now but I guess I just thought it might be an endearing example of the cultural differences that exist between two lands separated by such a short distance. Go Flames! (?).
That's all for today, folks. Feel free to contact us here at Blog is the New Blog with any questions you may have. Also, don't forget to vote on the "Should Boosh Clown Have to Drink the Hot Dog Flavored Water" poll at the top left. Only three days remain!
-Boosh Clown
Song of the Day: "Hands Around My Throat" by Death in Vegas
Monday, April 14, 2008
The Passion of the Boosh Clown
Lately, between light carpentry, stretching my achilles, and making hot Italian sausage paninis for disgruntled customers, I have stolen away to think long and hard about what in the hell I am going to do with my life this summer (see poll at left; bt dub thanks for the feeback! You guys are tremendous). At first I thought I would work in Seattle at another dead-end job: an on board attendant aboard the Victoria Clipper (see: hating myself) or once again driving the University Volkswagen/Audi shuttle (see: hating myself, hating others).
But now I have a better idea: I'm going to take a bike ride.
Yes, ladies and boyz, the vacation that is Boosh Clown's life will finally be reborn. Things have gotten too stressful here in Victoria: low wages, unappreciative customers, having to wake up at 9am some mornings--I'm fed up, damnit.
In late May, just after Memorial Day, I will embark on a 900 or so mile bike ride from my grandma's house in New Bremen, Ohio, to a sleepy little industrial hamlet located in the Canadian Province of Quebec called Trois Rivieres (just between Montreal and Quebec City). I will have approximately 15 days to complete this endeavor, which means I will have to average about 60 miles a day.
Amongst other obstacles (see: mild obesity), this trip, though still in its fledgling stages, is turning out to be a logistics nightmare (see: I'm broke). I must buy everything for the trip--bike, helmet, shoes, lycra shorts, sweet short-sleeved American flag bicycle jersey--due to the fact that I currently own nothing. Also, as I am not the most avid of bikers, I will have a shit-load of training to do, compounded by the fact that God has blessed me with an achilles tendon He got at Value Village.
Another important factor is that I will be doing this trip alone, something I already know is going to cause my parents a considerable amount of disquiet. While this is not a completely invalid concern (I'm sure there are a number of people [probably named "Bubba," or "Earl"] in rural Ohio and Ontario that drink gross amounts of Jack Daniels, recklessly drive Ford F150's, and think cycling is for "queers") I cannot and will not allow a lack of faith in humanity to keep me from doing this trip.
So that, my friends, is the rudimentary plan. I will be cycling from Ohio to Quebec, meeting up with my girlfriend, and then heading down to New York and Boston for an East Coast extravaganza. Afterwards, my girlfriend and I will say our tearful goodbyes, whereupon I shall head to a little town called Cambridge, MA, and install myself at a fairly well-known university called "Harvard," where I will spend the next four years of my life voraciously studying to obtain a law degree and subsequently one of the most feared litigators on the Easter seaboard. Then, at the age of 42, a minor nervous breakdown will culminate in me having to pack up my Earthly possessions and move to Zimbabwe, where I will then pursue a career as a full-time elephant hunter. At the age of 75 I will be reunited with my girlfriend whilst vacationing in Botswana, who will at the time be working part-time for an organization aimed at keeping peace between the Bangwato and Bakweng tribes through a radical technique that involves learning how to successfully muzzle and ride hippopotamuses. "Hippos for Peace," they will aptly be called. At the age of 116 I will finally die, but not before waking up from a 41 year coma brought on by an accident involving a leisurely ride-turned-catastrophe of one of the aforementioned hippos.
I'm sorry, I got distracted.
Anyway, I do plan on seeing this trip through to fruition. Below is a map of the approximate route I be plan to take, though in my case I will skirt Detroit (I've never been too fond of homicide) by taking a ferry across Lake Eerie from Sandusky, Ohio, into Ontario.
Good day, gentleman. And until that day comes, keep your ear to the grindstone.
-Boosh Clown
Special shout-out to friend and former roommate Tam, who recently biked across the United States, something far more ambitious than what I plan to undertake. To read about his trip, click here.
The Route:
View Larger Map
But now I have a better idea: I'm going to take a bike ride.
Yes, ladies and boyz, the vacation that is Boosh Clown's life will finally be reborn. Things have gotten too stressful here in Victoria: low wages, unappreciative customers, having to wake up at 9am some mornings--I'm fed up, damnit.
In late May, just after Memorial Day, I will embark on a 900 or so mile bike ride from my grandma's house in New Bremen, Ohio, to a sleepy little industrial hamlet located in the Canadian Province of Quebec called Trois Rivieres (just between Montreal and Quebec City). I will have approximately 15 days to complete this endeavor, which means I will have to average about 60 miles a day.
Amongst other obstacles (see: mild obesity), this trip, though still in its fledgling stages, is turning out to be a logistics nightmare (see: I'm broke). I must buy everything for the trip--bike, helmet, shoes, lycra shorts, sweet short-sleeved American flag bicycle jersey--due to the fact that I currently own nothing. Also, as I am not the most avid of bikers, I will have a shit-load of training to do, compounded by the fact that God has blessed me with an achilles tendon He got at Value Village.
Another important factor is that I will be doing this trip alone, something I already know is going to cause my parents a considerable amount of disquiet. While this is not a completely invalid concern (I'm sure there are a number of people [probably named "Bubba," or "Earl"] in rural Ohio and Ontario that drink gross amounts of Jack Daniels, recklessly drive Ford F150's, and think cycling is for "queers") I cannot and will not allow a lack of faith in humanity to keep me from doing this trip.
So that, my friends, is the rudimentary plan. I will be cycling from Ohio to Quebec, meeting up with my girlfriend, and then heading down to New York and Boston for an East Coast extravaganza. Afterwards, my girlfriend and I will say our tearful goodbyes, whereupon I shall head to a little town called Cambridge, MA, and install myself at a fairly well-known university called "Harvard," where I will spend the next four years of my life voraciously studying to obtain a law degree and subsequently one of the most feared litigators on the Easter seaboard. Then, at the age of 42, a minor nervous breakdown will culminate in me having to pack up my Earthly possessions and move to Zimbabwe, where I will then pursue a career as a full-time elephant hunter. At the age of 75 I will be reunited with my girlfriend whilst vacationing in Botswana, who will at the time be working part-time for an organization aimed at keeping peace between the Bangwato and Bakweng tribes through a radical technique that involves learning how to successfully muzzle and ride hippopotamuses. "Hippos for Peace," they will aptly be called. At the age of 116 I will finally die, but not before waking up from a 41 year coma brought on by an accident involving a leisurely ride-turned-catastrophe of one of the aforementioned hippos.
I'm sorry, I got distracted.
Anyway, I do plan on seeing this trip through to fruition. Below is a map of the approximate route I be plan to take, though in my case I will skirt Detroit (I've never been too fond of homicide) by taking a ferry across Lake Eerie from Sandusky, Ohio, into Ontario.
Good day, gentleman. And until that day comes, keep your ear to the grindstone.
-Boosh Clown
Special shout-out to friend and former roommate Tam, who recently biked across the United States, something far more ambitious than what I plan to undertake. To read about his trip, click here.
The Route:
View Larger Map
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